Review: You really, really need to see 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' this weekend

This evening, we attended a critics' screening of Bill Condon's Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part One (Why?  Do you even need to ask?  For the mockery, of course).  The film was-- as expected-- terrible, but it was also something we never expected it to be:  recommend-able.  That's right:  we think you really, really need to see Twilight: Breaking Dawn this weekend.  Don't believe us?  We've got the top six (spoiler-filled) reasons why below.  Read on, my gentle Examiner readers... books in a Barnes and Noble, leafed through it, and marveled at the franchise’s hysterical melodrama.  Maybe you’ve even seen one of the bajillion trailers Summit releases in anticipation of these cinematic hate crimes.  In any case, the result is the same: as sure as you know that the sky’s blue, beer tastes good, and that Jay Leno isn’t funny, you know in your heart that the Twilight when it hits theaters this weekend (or maybe you’re getting dragged to it by an overbearing girlfriend/wife/what-have-you:  in this case, consider what follows a pep-talk before you brave this film’s tedious waters), but I submit to you that this is a mistake:  not only will you be missing out on of the greatest unintentional comedies of all time, but you’ll also ’s first half is nigh unwatchable, taking a solid hour to limp through what seems to be about fifteen minutes’ worth of story, but its second half—particularly its final twenty minutes—is something you owe it to yourself to see.  

It.  Is.  Glorious.

But it’s not like that finale is the only series, but the story’s so emotionally false, it’s impossible to take any of it seriously.  Kristen Stewart’s Bella consistently comes across as emotionally unstable, her moods swinging from one extreme to another seemingly without cause…and yet, the men in her world—be it Jacob The Werewolf-Boy or Edward The Sparkly Vampire—welcome each new swoop of the pendulum with endless patience and understanding.  There’s something to be said for working through the issues you’re having with your spouse, but let’s be realistic here:  if any dude I know were dating Bella, he’d dump her ass after the third inexplicable meltdown (note:  if Kristen Stewart were hotter, this might be a touch more believable).

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Review: You really, really need to see 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' this weekend

Maybe you've even seen one of the bajillion trailers Summit releases in anticipation of these cinematic hate crimes. In any case, the result is the same: as sure as you know that the sky's blue, beer tastes good, and that Jay Leno isn't funny,



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Blue Book For Vacation Travel Trailers - Bookshelf

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